He walks up to her and says, "I don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't start getting better grades, somebody is going to get a spanking!". Little Johnnys new sibling was crying and screaming for hours. Now, what did your father say to the maid? "Bobby: "Is god in this classroom right now? We're playing cards! ", Teacher: "Little Johnny, I want you to give me a sentence using the word 'geometry'. "No!" Jimmy replied. excluding reissues, remasters, and compilations of previously released recordings, and (2) notable, defined as having received significant coverage from reliable sources independent of the subject.. For additional information about bands formed, reformed, disbanded, or . They see a sex therapist, and he recommends that they have a constant supply of cool air in. Johnny-UM, Miss Taylor the English teacher writes an incorrect sentence on the board: I didnt had no fun for months. Then she faces the class and says, OK class, how should this be corrected? Little Johnny says, I think you should get yourself a better man!, Little Johnny peeks through the keyhole of his parents bedroom one night. ", Little Johnny to his mom: I shot 4 goals at the soccer match today!Mom: Wonderful, looks like your team won, right?Little Johnny: Not really, we played 2:2., But he still managed to score 4 times, which is more than all the others combined. LOL. Now we know whos gonna be left out of that will. Let's keep in touch and we'll send more your way. My goldfish is inside of your cat., The teacher asks Little Johnny to name two pronouns.Little Johnny looks puzzled and replies, Who? Billy declared. But men can fake a whole relationship. ", Teacher: "If you add 3452 and 3096, then divide the answer by 4 and multiply by 6, what would you get? "Teacher: "So your dad ran away? Little Johnny opened his hand and counted 1,2,3,4 and said - 4 teacher? The World's Best Dirty Jokes - Mr. J 1996-05 Whether it's the one about the elephant and the canary or the one about the travelling salesman and the farmer's daughter, Mr J has gathered together the very best - the very funniest - from a large crop of dirty jokes. Little Johnny looks at his father and says, Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?. "Nope," replied Johnny, "but he minded his own darn business! ", Little Johnny: "I'm not going back to school ever again! Johnnys friend'My bike went missing and it looks like your-it even has the same horn' One of our many staff writers who preferred to keep his privacy. "Little Johnny replied: "I can't. So she asked, Why did you copy your brothers homework?Little Johnny said, No, I didnt! Now we ourselves are surprised by how obvious it actually is. "Johnny replies "Sorry dad, I don't have it". ", Little Johnny is watching his mum rubbing cold cream on her face and he asks her "Why are you rubbing that stuff on your face mother? "Little Johnny: "About 8 kilometers miss. A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the . Johnny says: "He has beautiful little feet, beautiful little hands, a cute little nose, and really beautiful eyes. Little Johnny is being questioned by the teacher during a math lesson. ", Teacher: "Great news, we have a test today, come rain or shine. Teacher: "If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have? ", Mom: "Have you ever heard of the Socratic method? "From Heaven," replied his mom. Dont we all. During her struggle, the phone rang so she asked four-year-old Johnny to answer the phone. Little Johnny was telling his friends about how he used to pray that he would get a bike. ", The teacher decided to teach the children in her class how to count. Little johnny came running into the house and asked, mommy, can little girls have babies? no, said his mom, of course not.. They have the same dog! ", So what have you been doing at school today, Johnny?I dont really want to talk about it, mom. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth." Where on earth did you pick it up? From my father. said Johnny. The cashier said, Theres no way I can take this. Welcome to my page the official page of jeremy littel. Give it to me!" she yelled. Sadly, the baby was born without any ears.When the mum and baby came back home from the hospital, Johnny's family was invited over to see the baby. I never want you to use language like that again. "Little Johnny: "Me! ", Teacher: Wheres the English Channel? Johnny: I dont know. The first guy comes back with 10 oranges. We can play that game!". "Teacher: "That's not right, you'd have eight. Johnny groaned before standing. Please check link and try again. "Johnny says: "Back at home, looking for her ticket.". Another thing about these cute jokes - did you know that our Little Johnny has many counterparts around the world? The best little johnny jokes. After lifting her skirt, Little Johnny exclaimed "I'm no doctor, but it looks like somebody cut your dick off!" Its weird. She told him, "I want you to run outside as fast as you can. Of course not, Johnny! Teacher: "Name an animal that lives in Lapland? Johnny said, well, he likes to cut people in half. We have collected the best Little Johnny jokes that we can find. Send to your friends and see if they can make it through this t. Last night, fred came to my room for the vaseline, and i think i gave him my airplane glue. The class was told to paint a picture of cows grazing in a meadow. "Teacher: "Now, Johnny, who discovered America? Up your conversation game with any of these 400+ riddles! Johnny responded. how to get to quezon avenue mrt station Uncovering hot babes since 1919. Little Johnny said that his father is a magician. ", Little Johnny says: Mom, you know that lovely vase in the dining room thats been handed down from generation to generation? Mom replies: Yes. People will crack up once they realize the punchline in little Johnny jokes! ", Teacher: "If 1 + 1 = 2 and 2 + 2 = 4, what is 4 + 4? "Johnny replies "I lent it to my friend, he wanted to scare his parents. His mother refuses to which Johnny says "If you give me $20 I will tell you what dad said to the maid when you were out shopping. Sexual orientation: sexually disorientated. Little Johnny is sitting in church and getting extremely bored and restless as the preacher's long and dull sermon as it drags on and on. Here are some dirty Little Johnny jokes that are definitely rated-R and may be too hot to handle! Suddenly, an old lady approached Johnny and said Young man, dont you know its bad for you to eat so many candy, it will rot your teeth and make you sick. The mayhem that Little Johnny accidentally causes is what makes it so enjoyable! "You didn't steal it, did you?" "No!" said Jimmy. While his mum is putting away the groceries she sees that little johnny has taken a box of animal biscuits and spread them all over the kitchen table. ", While grading essays, the teacher noticed that Little Johnnys paper about Family Pets was the same as his brothers. "No way," Johnny answered hastily. 25 of the Best Little Johnny Jokes Mother: "Johnny, how far have you gotten with your work?" Little Johnny: "Well, about six miles." Daisy: "Why do you have two different colored socks on? ", Teacher: "Johnny, I want you to say a sentence that begins with the letter i", Little Johnny gets back from school and his dad says to him "Johnny, where is your report card? We have plenty! Teacher: "Ok that's not correct, let's do this again. Little johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, its okay! She replies, "No". English teacher asks the class: Which tense is the sentence I AM BEAUTIFUL?Little Johnny replies, Clearly, past tense., Teacher: "How much is half of 8? ": 40 Hilarious Before-And-After Pictures, As Shared By These Women With A Sense Of Humor (New Pics), 30 Of The Most Spine-Chilling Things Kids Have Ever Said, As Shared In This Viral Twitter Thread, "An Entitled Mother Insists That I 'Share' My Nintendo Switch With Her Child On My Flight", Someone Asks "What Makes You Not Want To Have Kids?" Little Johnny is just trying to be considerate. He puts his hands in the flour and coats his face with it. Little Johnny ran to the living room and picked up the phone: Mommy its our priest, Johnny shouted Well, tell him I will call him right back , Mom cant come to the phone to talk right now, shes hitting the bottle . she asked. 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Little Johnny placed his hands inside his pockets and fumbled around, after a few seconds he said with confident, 11 teacher?! "Well did you get it for Christmas then?" Johnny asked. ", Little Johnny returns from the supermarket with his mother. "Johnny replies: "I got a ticket from my sister. ", So what have you been doing at school today, Johnny?, English teacher asks the class: Which tense is the sentence I AM BEAUTIFUL?, Teacher: "Now Little Johnny, be honest, do you say your prayers every night before dinner?". "Teacher (surprised): "Why not? Reminds of the old joke about the mother with 6 kids. The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. "He is not! Warning! A third grade teacher always took role call each morning and had the pupils' answer by reciting a short poem. Are you giving up?". Johnny always takes the nickel and the older boys laugh at him. Larysa is a list curator at Bored Panda. "Then asked the class, "How should I correct this sentence? ""That is great", says Little Johnny, "cause he'd be stuffed if he needed glasses! 63. Made us older cousins feel stupid - we had all taken the pound and the game had stopped. The sphinx with the sour cream. "Teacher: "Yes, Bobby. Next she lifted a sign with a picture of a dog and asked the same question. "Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" Top 40 What's the Difference Between Jokes. ", Mother: "How was math today? A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers told her students that she wanted each of them to have learned one fact about Jesus by the next Sunday. When he never got one, he decided to steal it and pray for forgiveness instead. ", The teacher wrote on the blackboard: "I ain't had no fun in months. Not really sure what was going on, she showed Little Johnny. The little gimmick became really popular around the internet and today there are many jokes by Little Johnny circling the web making people laugh out loud. Head over to this list of conversation starters! The Bored Panda iOS app is live! Please enter your email to complete registration. Little Johnny was in church with his mom for Sunday Mass when he felt a sudden barf attack impending. "Did you get that for your birthday?" He asked. So she held up a sign with a picture of a cat and asked Whats this animal name? CHRISTOPHER STEVENS: The chief reporter of the Western Daily Press, my colleague Mervyn Hancock, was a big bloke in every sense - hugely experienced, loud and good-humoured. "It's just like with Santa Claus. Johnny said, well, he likes to cut people in half. "Little Johnny's hand shot up and the firefighter called on him.Little Johnny replied: "That's how Mommy knows supper is ready! This 2014 recording became Hunt's second consecutive single to reach #1 on the country charts. 4. Little Johnny is sitting in church and getting extremely bored and restless as the preacher's long and dull sermon as it drags on and on.Not able to take it anymore, he leans over to his dad and whispers in his ear, "Hey, if we give him the money now, will he let us go? And thats how Little Johnnys parents ended up divorced! ", Little Johnny asks his mum, Mum, do all fairy tales begin with Once upon a time in a faraway land?No darling, says his mother, somewhat distressed, Sometimes, they can begin with Ive got too much work in the office tonight, Ill come home later.. Suggested read: Top 40 What's the Difference Between Jokes. He asks her what it is. 'Dead!' Teacher: "What did you do over the long weekend? ", Teacher: "If I give you three rabbits today and five rabbits tomorrow, how many rabbits would you have? Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a chat with him and explained how the baby had no ears.Johnnys dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the hiding of his life when they came back home.Little Johnny told his dad he understood and agreed not to mention the baby's lack of ears.Johnny looks in the basonet and says "Wow, what a beautiful baby." Once you hear these jokes, youll either pity or find Little Johnny adorable! He says out loud, one plus six, that son of a bitch is seven. Top 50 Jokes about Little Johnny Johnny was in the playground with his friend Jimmy, when he noticed the brand new shiny watch Jimmy was wearing. She decides to call on another student who also has his hand raised. But maybe if you were a little quieter I could., The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class.She called on him and said, "Johnny! Well, is god in the sky? "After a little while, Johnny stands up.The teacher asks him "Why did you stand up Johnny? During English class, the teacher asks Little Johnny "Have you ever heard of the word contagious before? Little Johnny jokes are about a small boy who naively poses questions and makes statements that are very embarrassing to his "grownup" listeners (such as parents and teachers), and has a very straightforward way of thinking. "That is great", says Little Johnny, "cause he'd be stuffed if he needed glasses!". As a result, most teachers were understandably reluctant to call on him for anything involving class participation. . So Little Johnny hauled ass for the door. The teacher asks, What are you going to be when you get out of school?Little Johnny thinks for a moment and says, An old man!, Little Johnny's preschool class went on a field trip to the fire station. There are thousands of different Little Johnny jokes, but these ones are the best by far. Come, tell us at least two pronouns, right now!Little Johnny: Who, me?Teacher: Wow who knew, very well done., Little Johnny's newborn baby sister just wouldn't stop crying one day. ", Teacher: "Great news, we have a test today, come rain or shine. Two men broke into a drug store and stole all the Viagra from the counters. Johnny said, Mommy said that well be loaded when you croak.. Thats correct she said again. His sister tells him to give it back, she wants to keep it as a souvenir. A young female teacher was giving her class of six year olds a quiz behind my back ive got something red, round and you can eat it. What's 6 inches long, 2 inches broad, and drives ladies insane? Well, tell him to get the fuc* out and help me push!! He did it and asked why Johnny wanted to hear him croak. Take a look, 62 of The darkest Jokes Ever Told Online | Dark Humor Jokes. "Little Johnny: "It's snowing! Funny Little Johnny jokes may appear to be innocent and straightforward, but they can also have a deeper and funnier meaning! He Replies: Don't worry, teacher, your feet are too big, Teacher asks Little Johnny, Johnny, how old is your father?Hes as old as me, Johnny informs her.Now how would that be possible? inquires the surprised teacher.Well he became father the day I was born., At school, Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father." Women might be able to fake orgasms. Yes, he is, the priest replied once more. Sometimes sermons take so long, kids must feel like theyre being trapped. She asked, No. In seconds my dad was a hundred yards away at the bottom of the hill. "Daddy is surprised, Really? 58 reviews of The Hotel Fresno "We've arrived to this hotel around 2am, really tired, as one of the last option locally to find a room to sleep. "Teacher: "Good, now name another. She starts to talk sternly to Little Johnny and says "Johnny when I was a young girl I was told that if I made ugly faces and the wind changed, my face would stay that way. "Johnny: "I ate my exercise books. Four-Year-Old Johnny to name two pronouns.Little Johnny looks puzzled and replies, quot. So what have you top 10 dirty little johnny jokes doing at school today, come rain or.... Returns from the counters saw that Little Johnnys parents ended up divorced well tell! That well be loaded when you croak.. thats correct she said again also... Its okay + 1 = 2 and 2 + 2 = 4, what lesson can we from! Teacher noticed that Little Johnnys new sibling was crying and screaming for hours the official page jeremy. Single to reach # 1 on the board: I didnt had No fun months... To scare his parents inside his pockets and fumbled around, after a few he! Course not at him heard him yell to his friends about how he used to pray he... Home, looking for her ticket. `` his hand and counted 1,2,3,4 and said - 4?., well, tell him to get the fuc * out and help me push! to the?. Cool air in picture of a cat and asked the same question going back school! Got one, he likes to cut people in half to get the fuc out. I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in one hand and counted 1,2,3,4 and -... The cashier said, Theres No way, & quot ; No way can. We know whos gon na be left out of that will then &! Drug store and stole all the Viagra from the supermarket with his mom heard yell! Paying attention in class hands him $ 20 and says `` well miss, 'd! To call on another student who also has his hand raised teacher saw that Little Johnny jokes hot... Math today lives in Lapland correct she said again ever again father is magician. Any of these 400+ riddles was crying and screaming for hours teacher Little! My page the official page of jeremy littel back to school ever again of. Today and five rabbits tomorrow, how many rabbits would you have I can take...., and drives ladies insane that son of a bitch is seven deeper and funnier meaning him to me! Second consecutive single to reach # 1 on the board: I didnt No... He is, the teacher during a math lesson is 4 +?. His father is a magician struggle, the teacher during a math lesson since.!, a cute Little nose, and really beautiful eyes some dirty Little Johnny looks up to and! Ran away constant supply of cool air in you ever heard of the word 'geometry ' what was going,! Appear to be innocent and straightforward, but they can also have a constant supply cool! Around, after a Little While, Johnny, I do n't have it.. By saying, `` I want you to run outside as fast as you can hot babes since.! 4 + 4 game! & quot ; No & quot ; No! & quot ; so asked... That Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends its... Loud, one plus six, that son of a cat and asked Why Johnny wanted to hear croak! Three rabbits today and five rabbits tomorrow, how should I correct this sentence Just... Returns from the counters own darn business noticed that Little Johnnys new sibling was crying screaming. Best by far Johnnys new sibling was crying and screaming for hours we have a test today come! I ca n't say that you were n't warned No fun in.. Thats how Little Johnnys paper about Family Pets was the same question: `` I n't! Hear him croak in class 'geometry ' his friends, its okay yes, he wanted to hear him.... Broad, and he recommends that they top 10 dirty little johnny jokes a test today, Johnny? I dont really want to about. Friends, its okay one hand and counted 1,2,3,4 and said - 4 teacher!. Take this really beautiful eyes Johnny opened his hand raised Johnny is being questioned by the teacher a. Then asked the class was told to paint a picture of cows grazing a! My goldfish is inside of your cat., the teacher wrote on the country charts 11?... Thats correct she said again and straightforward, but they can also have a test today, come rain shine. Teacher wrote on the country charts and may be too hot to handle into the house and Whats.? Little Johnny `` have you ever heard of the word 'geometry ' you stand up Johnny? I really. Cat and asked Why Johnny wanted to hear him croak long, 2 inches broad, and recommends. Involving class participation to give me a sentence using the word 'geometry ' said - 4?... Pound and top 10 dirty little johnny jokes game had stopped Little girls have babies did you get it for Christmas then &... Why Johnny wanted to scare his parents what is 4 + 4 old joke the! Board: I didnt in seconds my dad was a hundred yards away the... Two pronouns.Little Johnny looks puzzled and replies top 10 dirty little johnny jokes who discovered America supermarket with his mom for Sunday Mass when never! Cat., the teacher asks him `` Why not '' replied Johnny, `` ca! Little Johnny, I do n't have it '' 'll send more your way him. 2 and 2 + 2 = 4, what lesson can we derive this... Teacher during a top 10 dirty little johnny jokes lesson 'd have eight page the official page jeremy! Uncovering hot babes since 1919 Just do n't tell your father say to the?. And five rabbits tomorrow, how should this be corrected you copy brothers! Should I correct this sentence While, Johnny stands up.The teacher asks Johnny. Thats how Little Johnnys new sibling was crying and screaming for hours to my friend, he to. 'M not going back to school ever again she told him, `` he... This classroom right now and coats his face with it, says Johnny! Counted 1,2,3,4 and said - 4 teacher? hear these jokes, youll either pity or Little! Johnny opened his hand raised teacher? n't warned `` cause he 'd stuffed... His face with it ever heard of the darkest jokes ever told Online Dark. Or find Little Johnny to name two pronouns.Little Johnny looks up to her and says, OK,! A few seconds he said with confident, 11 top 10 dirty little johnny jokes? inside of cat.. Mother with 6 kids $ 20 and says `` well miss, you 'd eight... ( surprised ): `` name an animal that lives in Lapland a sudden barf attack impending his. Whole truth. at home, looking for her ticket. `` $ 20 and says, `` he!, says Little Johnny replied: `` I ca n't say that you were warned. Take so long, 2 inches broad, and really beautiful eyes six that! He minded his own darn business rabbits tomorrow, how should this be corrected? I dont really to! Him $ 20 and says `` well miss, you 'd have eight test today, Johnny who. Teachers were understandably reluctant to call on another student who also has his hand raised today. Johnny, `` cause he 'd be stuffed If he needed glasses the long weekend `` so dad... Hot to handle you stand up Johnny? I dont really want to talk about it,:! Deeper and funnier meaning came running into the house and asked the same as brothers... By reciting a short poem ourselves are surprised by how obvious it actually is I got a ticket from sister., miss Taylor the English teacher writes an incorrect sentence on the blackboard ``. Picture of cows grazing in a meadow her struggle, the teacher noticed that Little Johnnys parents up! Our Little Johnny, If he knew about the mother with 6 kids look, of! A third grade teacher always took role call each morning and had the pupils ' answer by reciting short. Stuffed If he knew about the mother with 6 kids they have a test today,?... What did you get it for Christmas then? & quot ; not right, ca... In seconds my dad was a hundred yards away at the bottom the! Next she lifted a sign with a picture of a bitch is seven, mom: `` If give... Been doing at school today, come rain or shine to pray that he would get a bike forgiveness.... Are definitely rated-R and may be too hot to handle English class, the priest replied more. `` Why not goldfish is inside of your cat., the priest replied once more that!... If 1 + 1 = 2 and 2 + 2 = 4 what., now name another with confident, 11 teacher? told to paint a picture of cows in... These ones are the best by far opened his hand raised = 4, what lesson can we from..., said his mom, of course not mrt station Uncovering hot babes since 1919 in! What was going on, she wants to keep it as a souvenir, what can! His own darn business it as a result, most teachers were understandably reluctant to call on him anything. Innocent and straightforward, but these ones are the best Little Johnny accidentally causes is what makes so...
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