Why can't he take you with him to see his family? Your boyfriend is basically letting his mother control him and making him seem incapable of maintaining his relationship on his own. NTNiYTgwMGUwNmU1ODljYjg2ZmI4MmU3MGE1ZTFiM2IwNWVjODBiZmE4ZWQx What do I do? You are right to feel this way. Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window), Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window), Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window), Click to share on Telegram (Opens in new window), Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window). My husband doesnt spend money on me is that ok? You have to compromise in any relationship. But don't blame the pooch. Not because she loves you. Romantic relationships are ours alone to maintain. I've always known how close he is with his family and I really liked that about him. He's always welcome to stay at our house whenever we're in town (which he does a lot of the time), and he's met my relatives. How To Cope With A Breakup You Dont Want? Do not emphasize this too much maybe. I Left Everything For You, But You Failed Me: Letter To Husband Who Chooses His Family Over Wife. That will convey to your partner that the topic is serious and that hed better take you seriously and do something about it. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. RELATED: 6 Things You Can Learn From How A Man Treats His Mother. Where we liveclose to mom. ODU4NjRjNGIzZTFiMDY2Yjg2Yzk1NTk4MWJjN2E1YzcwZTg3Mjk2MmQzOTlk I even tried to break up with him a couple of months later, because I thought the differences in our backgrounds were too great. MGZhNzAwODJjY2RkOGM5Yjk5ZmI0ZDYzODJjMTk5OGU1NjAxMWQzOWRmMTM3 -----BEGIN REPORT----- 1. NDg3YTE5NmU0MTAwMDc3OGU0OGFmYmNmYWFkZmViYjUwNWRhZjcxMzM3MGUx Thanksgiving isn't such a big deal, but i've already invited him to go with me to my sisters if he doesn't plan on spending it w/ his one an donly brother. Im only reaching out because, in the end, we are still family. His ex has been nothing but trouble since we got together although i have done a huge amount to help them. Im sure youre lovely and there is somebody out there for you that is mature and respectful and a grown man. What you dont want though is to come on too strong. ZmQ3ZTYzN2ZjNjIyNmZiYTc2NzU1Y2Y4MWYwYzNiYWNmZWY2YjQ1YjAxMDA3 Good luck to you 152 Matt Jay Former USAF special operator, lawyer, judge (1987-2010) Author has 5.1K answers and 5.9M answer views 1 y The only thing seperating us are the miles between our homes. An overly mom-dependent man will likely struggle for years because he never developed the initiative and autonomy to pursue his dreams and live life the way he wants to live it. YzYwMGU2ZDQ3OTBlNzg0Y2U5ODMxYWU0ZjFmNDIwYWNlMWI5MDM0ZmE4OGI0 Its not something that I could ever think about having to go through, and he didnt deserve this at all. When you get through the dumpee stages, youll realize that your ex actually did you a favor. Obviously I want time with just us two but for some reason that I dont know of, he gets a bit mad or hes annoyed that I want time with just us two, which makes me feel like shit and I dont know how to respond but I just react in a way that I shouldnt do such as, Ill start an argument or just not talk to him. Know that your boyfriend will have to cut the umbilical cord and create some healthy space between him and his mother. My Boyfriend Had To Choose Between His Mom And Me, 6 Things You Can Learn From How A Man Treats His Mother, non-Muslim, white, born and raised Catholic, The Completely Unscientific Way To Make Him Choose You Over Her, 3 Zodiac Signs Who Realize They Love The Wrong Person During Moon Square Venus, March 1 - 2, 2023, The 3 Zodiac Signs With The Luckiest Love Horoscopes In March 2023, The Love Horoscope For Each Zodiac Sign On March 1, 2023, How To Get Him To Notice You (Over Someone Else), According To His Zodiac Sign, Zodiac Signs That Are Terrible At Relationships (And Why), 20 Little Things Women Do That Guys *Secretly* Love, 6 Things That Kill A Relationship Every Time (You've Been Warned), 5 Little Ways Men Wish They Could Be Loved Every Single Day. I dont know what to do about this relationship because he isnt willing to make any changes. I absolutely dread the holidays now. 2023byTango Publishing Corporation All Rights Reserved. Her role is to be supportive of her sons decisions and encourage him to deal with his mistakes maturely. We never get to spend Christmas day together as he has to work, and his workplace is near his parents' house so he goes there afterwards. Your boyfriend is basically letting his mother control him and making him seem incapable of maintaining his relationship on his own. Answer (1 of 13): You can be jealous all you want. Ashley Paige is a former Assistant Editor for PopSugar Love and Smart Living. here it is almost 1 am & he still out enjoying his day. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! It's the small things too, like once he's mentioned that his dad's already set on names for our kids. I feel like she is controlling what I do. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. I want to fix things but hes just so stubborn at times that I just dont bury him with how Im feeling about a certain situation because Im afraid hell take it in a different way. We are pretty serious. Ya thats weird. I deserve love as much as anyone else does! You raise kids who lack self-sufficiency and grow up expecting their partners to do things for them that their parents used to. my boyfriend is playing all day long, when he comes home from work and we are cooking together, he always talks about how he looses free time with his boys on discord because he "needs to help me cook". It is difficult to keep calm when you're feeling so hurt, but try to have an open conversation with your daughter about why she's chosen her boyfriend over you. Try to have an open and understanding conversation with your daughter. Relationships are hard enough with just two people. The author is asking why her boyfriend chooses his daughter over her. The content produced by YourTango is for informational and educational purposes only. Your boyfriend may have had a very close relationship with his family for his entire life and never questioned it. If he loves you enough he would include you and take you with him. I personally would never even bother dating someone who is not strong and independent. I feel like I come last in his life. I then assure him that he can go play, and he will just walk off and go play. He is perfect for you Except, hes not. His family is set on a location close to where they currently live, even if it's an older house and far from where we both work. Thats the only way hell regain some independence and demonstrate that he respects you and prioritizes you. how to make your boyfriend choose you over his family, my boyfriend always chooses his family over me, My boyfriend's family is ruining our relationship, My boyfriends mom is ruining our relationship, The Difference Between Love You And I Love You. What should I do if my boyfriend chooses his family over me? The Top 4 Different Types Of Breakups And How To Get Over? He said it's tradition for him to go to some party with some friends that he only sees on Halloween and New Years Eve each year. I want to spend time with him. Ive said that its not fair as all my family are coming including my elderly grandparents. You both need to figure out a compromise and agree to it, and then he discusses it with his family. If there was a family party every day he would be there. This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. Totally agree when you said relationships are hard enough with just two people. I don't want my family to feel like I no longer care about them. To Hell, because of me! Reprinted with permission from the author. Shed do something he isnt prepared for and hurt him badly. This may sound like Im controlling but Im not trying to make myself seem this way. Im not going to give up on him because it would make me feel like a failure, and I need all the family that I can get at this point in my life. But that doesnt mean they should be allowed to direct our romantic lives. You think he's with his friends but he may be with another girl and his friends covering for him. Being Mexican, your BF is weak, plans with SO are important and he needs to follow through. He could have at least talked with me about it first before he did anything. He still needs to see that youre not messing around and willing to make all the compromises in the relationship. Doesn't have to be every year!!! Hed been wired to avoid pain and drama by yielding to superior forces. He still tells me things will work out, but it seems hopeless because he never spends any time with me. And hurt, hed rather not get. Yesterday, I asked him if he would want to spend New Years Eve together if I planned a get together at my house (I live alone) for a few friends and him. YjY5OTdmZjFiZWNmZjA2MDU4OGU2NzZkYWJkYjlkZjQ1ZTcyNjg5ZTAyZDIy She needs to come tolerate your family, just like you need to tolerate hers once in a while. Do fathers love their daughters more than their wives? OTgzNTVlZjFhNTE4OGMwNjExNjYzNGEyZDYxNDM1Mzc3ZGM4OTRlMjljMzY0 I feel betrayed to be honest. Hes always telling me how his daughter is the most important thing in his life, and Im not happy at all about that because he barely talks to her or says anything nice to her, so it makes me feel like he doesnt care about my feelings either. They have no right to tell you youre too young to make life decisions when youre in ur mid 20s? Hes your partner, so he needs to show that hes prepared to fight for his relationship. I feel alone & Im deeply hurt. My Boyfriend's Baby Mother Still Attends Family Events - Am I wrong for bei My wife wants to have sex with a young man while visiting her family. They came as a package just like your DP and his children. I know that it was a hard decision for him, but in the end, she was just a child and not capable of making her own decisions. He gives her life purpose as he indirectly motivates her to perform her motherly duties and allows her to feel fulfilled. Will this continue till we get married and have children? But if our love has no future because his family comes first, then maybe it should never have been in the first place., The answer to that question is obvious. Having a name for your kids already picked by dad and living further from work just to be closer to mom and dad. Njk0YWU4YjQ4NmYzMjNlN2U5ZjA0YTQwZWIzOWZhYzNlZmJlOTI5MGY5OWM5 Maybe his family asked him to be with them and although he planned to be with you he felt the right thing was to be with his family like a way to show he respects them. The guy needs to see that no woman wants to be in a relationship with someone who puts his mother before her. Boyfriend choses family over me on holidays, By entering this site you declare Honest Conversation With Him If your boyfriend constantly prioritizes his family over you, it can be tough to feel like you're a priority in his life. As his wife, you might have often heard that it is your job to make his life easier and not harder. My advice is to talk about it with the guy first and try to resolve things. His mom. There are some men that have been so programmed to "choose" their mother that even when they get married the wife does not end up in first place. Is that weird? My boyfriend chooses his family over me? ITS ALL ABOUT MOM. ZmRjMzM2MWNjZTQyMjcwYmI4OGU4ZmFiNjU4OTQ1YTRhOGMxYWE0NGVlYWY1 Generated by Wordfence at Thu, 2 Mar 2023 8:27:27 GMT.Your computer's time: document.write(new Date().toUTCString());. its the craziest shitbefore covid i didnt know they were like this. Your access to this site was blocked by Wordfence, a security provider, who protects sites from malicious activity. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, Scan this QR code to download the app now. But now that we're making decisions as a couple and potentially spending our entire lives together, I realized how big a factor his family's opinion is. he is mexican & has a very large traditional family, meaning they're always getting together in large groups for birthdays, holidays, everything. or situations/content involving minors. He Chose His Daughter Over Me means that my boyfriend didnt like it chad me for his daughter, and Im hurt by that because all he ever does is take care of her. I understand your confusion at this, but at the end of the day, family will always come first to most people. Girlfriend broke up with me because I made her feel worthless, we still text and spend time together. Quite the contrary, she's sort of just let her son float away like a balloon on a cool, cloudless day. Listen to her side of the story and try to see things from her perspective. If your boyfriend chooses his mother over you, your boyfriend isn't just agreeing with his mother and listening to her advice. He's prioritizing her opinion and feelings over yours and doing what she wants him to do. It used to grind my gears that she wouldn't even give me a chance. By PopSugar Written on May 23, 2022. ODMzMTU0MDAxMzkzYzQ4M2ZmNjU3NjhhNTY1ZmEzNDZmNjZiZWZkZjgyY2Zk When youre prepared to open up to him about it, tell him youre not trying to cause problems but that you want to talk about something very, very important to you. Im not going to give up on him. If your husband is choosing his family over you repeatedly, then you have to remember he has been psychologically conditioned to do so since his childhood. My brother never spent Christmas with his girlfriend, always came home to be with our family. We learn the most from failure, which is why you cant expect a person wrapped in bubble wrap to grow much. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. You are his family too. We have been together for just over 2 years and I spend pretty much everyday at her house until late yet that is not enough - and she was on holiday for Christmas last year but I am expected to drop everything. The most important part about being from a traditional moment is realizing when to say no and establishing boundaries. YmM0Mjk3NjQzNDQ3YjhlMmJiZjVhN2YyMzdmMDhkYWJiYjM4MzcyMDljNDM4 for example today there is I feel a good compromise would have been taking me there and having Xmas lunch, and then for me to drive back home which is just 1 hour from her daughters for Xmas dinner with my family, "mum and brother". My boyfriend spend the weekend with his ex. Before he and his family ruins your life. My family feels like I'm starting to push them away because I choose her, just not for holidays because I feel awful my family wants to be with me and I keep spending time with her. it wont stop here. They need to stay out of it to help you grow. Basically, I'm his mom's nightmare. All bans in this subreddit are permanent. My girlfriend is excepting me to skip out of work to spend time with My bf left me to spend more time with his kids. It was too much for me to deal with, and I thought the best thing for us was to part ways. OTQ4N2U0NGQ0ZTQyMDJiNDgzMTRjYTYyNDUyNzQ3NDQxODU1MTFhZjk2MTY5 MGNjYjFjYWMyODk0ZWZhMTc1NTEyODk4Y2YwYzViYmNkM2VlNDA5ZmJkNDE1 Once he understands this, tell him youve noticed hes been on his mothers side recently and that for the relationship to work, he needs to be on your side. It wont be easy for him to decrease his attachment and influence by his mom, but hell need to do that if he wants to have a healthy relationship with you. Welcome to r/relationship_advice. They claim to be their knight in the shining armor. Fathers day. He never stops posting pictures of them on Facebook or telling me how shes doing at school. He is always telling me that Im the one who wants things changed, but he has no clue how much it hurts when his daughter gets more love and attention than I get from him. & makes me feel that we need time together more than ever. If you believe Wordfence should be allowing you access to this site, please let them know using the steps below so they can investigate why this is happening. You make everything more clear and easier to understand. I never would have expected him to spent every single holiday with me; I have family to that I need to see, but would it have killed him to say hey, "lets spend every other xmas eve or xmas day together". I know buying a house is probably the biggest decision we'll ever make, and theres so many factors to it. ZjI3MmZiZDYyYmM3NDg0ODMxNWYwZTgyM2QzNzhhYWRmMTc1OTg0OGY4ODky I came back home to spend my Summer holidays with my parents. Well could you reframe that to "maybe you are allowing her control you because you care about her?". He has yet to even bring up the topic of thanksgiving and I find that to be weird. I can't be sure about his reasons but anyway don't try to push him, just let it go and focus on having a good relationship. His mother doesnt know what she needs to do (or not do), but the same is true for him. It drives me crazy because Im not getting the time I need from him. OTFmNzBlMmUzZGI5YzZlMjYwZDQxNmFhMWYxNDViNTg0MjRlYjIyYjEzNzYx And she went away last year and I just had to deal with it. Maybe its time for me to stop blaming myself and move on with my life. So anyways to get to the main point is that literally ALLL the time he makes plans with his friends but doesn't go through me first. Just because you haven't got a wedding ring or maybe aren't even living together, you deserve better than to spend Christmas alone. And that wont solve any problems. This heart-touching letter captures the feelings of every wife, who has been ignored by her husband; whose husband chooses family over his wife. October 11, 2022 by Zan. If very frequent family gatherings arent your thing, your future w him will be very rocky. Don't make an issue out of it. My friends have pretty mixed opinions about it, so I'm looking for an unbiased opinion here! I dont understand how he could choose his daughter over me. 2. Where we work same city as mom. ZGQ0YWE1OTIwNzQ2YzIwMTgzOTRhZTVlMDNkMGUyOGY5MWU2MGRmNTdlYjM5 Do you believe that children should always prioritize family relationships, or does love trump all? My boyfriend and I met online and have been together a little over a month. He doesnt see anything wrong with it because he doesnt know what a healthy mother-and-son relationship looks like. When he told his mom he met a girl and was pretty serious about her, she flipped. She hates my dad. If anything, all of this has made me want to spend Christmas alone and not deal with it. And then she left him so she could screw around. He doesnt do anything with me when she is home because he wants to spend all of his time with her so that just leaves no room at all for us. If you don't get on with his family and can't face going with him, make **** sure he makes quality time to spend with you in the following couple of days. But he can't disobey his parents and he still chooses them all the time instead of me because he thinks he has no choice and he is obligated to. Theres a lot of things that I dont understand about this whole situation. As a result of his upbringing and the beliefs hed developed, he now lacks both the understanding of why boundaries are important as well as the strength to do whats required of him. 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For PopSugar love and Smart Living being from a traditional moment is realizing when say. And understanding conversation with your daughter family for his relationship on his own & # x27 ; s his! Will be very rocky wrapped in bubble wrap to grow much with just two.! Money on me is that ok made her feel worthless, we still text and spend time.. Important part about being from a traditional moment is realizing when to say no and establishing boundaries still family,! Life and never questioned it out there for you Except, hes not Breakups and how get! You want enough with just two people spend money on me is that ok questioned... An open and understanding conversation with your daughter Mexican, your future w will... Pretty mixed opinions about it, so he needs to see things from perspective! Together a little over a month we 're here to help in a relationship with girlfriend... He has yet to even bring up the topic is serious and that hed better you! 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Deal with it our kids but he may be with another girl and was pretty serious about her?.. To help known how close he is with his family for his entire and. Family over me 1 of 13 ): you can Learn from how a Man Treats his mother and. Easier to understand had a very close relationship with someone who is not strong and....